I am having a bad case of the Monday Blues. I had an event to attend this weekend which I had been looking forward to for a couple of months. There was a theme and there was certain attire and colors that were requested. As you know I have been dealing with a weight gain that has put me at my highest weight ever, higher than I have been even while pregnant. I did not fully participate in the attire requests and my weight was the reason why. I did not feel comfortable in anything I tried on whether in my closet or in a store. I felt like I looked horrible and while my self esteem was low, I was still extremely upset with myself.
First let me put a disclaimer out there that I am in now way saying that plus size women look horrible. It is important to know what looks good on you, how to wear it and find your own sexy. But when you are not used to dressing yourself at a particular size you are lost and won’t necessarily know how to do it. I haven’t really just taken a real good look at how much weight i have gained. Yes, I have gotten on the scale and know that it is too much, but I hadn’t taken a real good look in the mirror. I literally wear sweatpants and t-shirts everyday, so that tends to be a tad bit deceiving. But this weekend, trying on ill fitting clothes and looking at myself directly in the mirror has done it’s job. There was a photo shoot and I am dreading the day that those pictures arrive. They are going to posted on social media and I am going to fall out. There were pictures taken with phones, that were posted and they tagged me in them. I politely removed those tags, nope, not having it.
I have not gotten on the scale lately and I’m not. At this time I do not have any short term scale goals, my goals are more nutrition based. This weekend has definitely opened my eyes to how bad my situation has gotten and how much work I need to do. I am totally committed to getting it together and as of this morning I have taken baby steps. I started this journey a little while ago but wasn’t fully committed. I am happy for this weekend events. While it made me sad it has also made me a better person.